Joe Biden Challenges Jim Crow to an Arm Wrestling Contest

This article is another installment in our Seriously, Amazingly True Information Reporting Extravaganza!

In a fiery speech last Tuesday, President Biden took aim at Jim Crow, the evil Republican who is responsible for racist voting suppression across the United States.

“I hear that this fella Jim Crow II is doing to go – you know – the thing. It’s un-American and un-democratic!,” said President Biden. “The most un-American threat to our democracy since my pal Jimmy Carter was chased by a giant rabbit. It’s a symbol of Republican racism.”

The President then addressed Crow directly: “Look fatso, if you think you’re the big man on campus, let’s arm wrestle. Let’s see who can eat the most scoops of ice cream. Let’s do whatever you wanna do. But let’s have an arm wrestling contest. If I win, Jim Crow has to get out of town and let my people vote. And if he wins – uhm – well… c’mon, man, he ain’t gonna win.”

Biden also spoke about ending that Jim Crow relic, the filibuster, saying, “If the previous administration had done the work to catch Jim Crow when he stormed the Senate and filibustered President McKinley to death, we wouldn’t have to mobilize trunalimunumaprzure to catch him.”

When White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki was asked at a press conference whether the President was aware that that Jim Crow was not an actual person, but a racist slur based in derogatory pro-slavery caricatures of people of color that were common in early nineteenth-century minstrelsy shows and songs, Psaki responded, “we will circle back to that question.”

Mr. Crow was unavailable for comment.

Top Photo: Detail of Official White House Photo by Adam Schultz